General Disclaimer
Save these instructions for future reference, as there will be a test. Before using this product, read, understand, and follow these instructions to the very best of your ability, regardless of your surroundings or any interruptions. Some statements may, will, can, and cannot contradict other statements. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Void where prohibited or permitted. Use only as directed by this website, regardless of what common sense might indicate. Batteries not included. Some considerable assembly required. For recreational, household use only by household members. No other warranty or sub-warranty expressed or implied or stated or said or written. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Fragile - this end up, if possible. Do not bend frequently. Subject to CAB approval. Contents may settle during shipment. Corrective lenses should be worn at all times if needed or not needed. Open bag; eat nuts. Contains no nutritional value. Not a significant source of calcium. Artificial flavoring added. This is not an offer to sell securities - we will call you during the dinner hour. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Caution - high voltage. Do not stamp. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Colors may, in time, fade. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Remove plastic before heating. Dry clean only. Not the Beatles. This product will not enable the user to fly, as far as we know. Do not use this product while sleeping or snoozing or nodding off. Penalty for private or public use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock and sleet. Caution - air brakes. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible for whatever prizes we may have mentioned. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Beware of owner. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be a human being and be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in secret code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur, and then again, may not. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame - one or the other. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Do not dispose of in fire. Not rechargeable. Spent or discharged batteries must be properly disposed of and recycled in compliance with all applicable laws of East-Poland. Use only in well-ventilated and properly humidified area with humidity at 95% or higher. Do not mix with bleach. Keep cord untangled. Do not store near closet jumble or last Sunday's newspaper. For indoor home use only not including domed stadiums. Not warranted for business or commerical use (see subsection 12(c)(a)(17b). Unplug when not in use. Keep away from children, pets, fish, and artificial flowers. Use only the power source approved for this unit. Do not use an extension cord with this product. Beware of electrical shock hazards and try to avoid them. Do not insert objects into any opening. Wash thoroughly and burn clothing after use. Fines double in work areas. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Sample - not for resale. Call toll-free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. No personally identifiable information collected except for your height and weight. No shipments to PO boxes except for Slovakia. Allow 16 weeks for delivery. In case of a dispute, send a letter with a self-addressed stamped envelope, and include your name, address, morning phone, afternoon phone, evening phone, and nighttime phone, and account number in that order, triple spaced. Changes or modifications not expressly approved by the party responsible for compliance could void the user's authority to operate the equipment. Contains some used parts warranted as "almost new". Company reserves the right to make changes without notice at its sole discretion at any time for any reason. The information provided in the Disclaimer is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind regardless of what you may think. Spchs61 disclaims all warranties, either express or implied, including the warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, and the unfitness of anything for no particular purpose. In no event shall spchs61 or its suppliers be liable or re-liable for any damages whatsoever including direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, loss of business profits or special damages, even if it or its suppliers have been advised of the possibility of such damages and stated that they did or did not know or care. Some states do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages so the foregoing limitation may not apply; however, you should not be living in those states as those are dumb states. The information contained herein is not medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice or attention of your personal physician (or your veterinarian) or other health care professionals. You must consult your health care provider (or your veterinarian) before beginning any new dietary supplementation program. This information is not intended as a "prescription" for treatment nor is it intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Spchs61 does not suggest, endorse, or imply in any way any treatment or cure for any ailment or disease nor does it endorse or suggest that you should ever take more than the recommended dose of any nutritional supplement as listed on the label, although you should read between the lines. Spchs61 makes no representations concerning the efficacy, appropriateness, or suitability of any products or treatments, other than our patented cure for insanity. Neither it nor any other party involved in providing this website are doctors and have no medical background or training, except for our own, personal experiences which have been highly illuminating. In view of the possibility of human error, no party involved in providing this website warrants that the information contained herein is in any respect accurate or complete and they are not responsible nor liable for any errors or omissions that may be found in this website or for the results obtained from the use of such information, other than the Insanity Cure. The information on this site is for educational purposes only. If you (or your pet) are ill, see a health care professional in an office with an elevator. Products (or their distributors) mentioned on this site do not make any claim to any specific benefits which might or might not be achieved by using them or not using them, or using them some of the time. This information is not specific to any company's products except our own and a few others. Statements have not been evaluated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, not that it would matter. The entire risk as to use of this website is assumed by the user by breaking the seal on your keyboard or mouse and coming here under your own free will for information, entertainment, and the curing of insanity. All rights reserved and roped off. International copyright may apply except in Hong Kong. This warranty is in lieu of all other warranties expressed or implied, and is valid only within the United States of America (USA). Made in China. Not responsible for use, misuse, non-use, or partial use. Your call may be monitored for quality purposes, and to spy on you and others. Some restrictions probably apply. See your dealer for details.
DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH!!!
This supersedes all previous notices.
HO-97958-E AFM-Q3
FUTURE TOPICS FOR HIGH SCHOOL LIFE:
Answer sheets to all tests. Directions to the underground pool. Lunch menu for the entire year (1 page). American Bandstand TV schedule. Schedule for 77 Sunset Strip, Gunsmoke, etc. Backstage pictures of Annette Funicello and Paul Newman. Lyrics and audio of every song played on the radio (WDGY, KDWB, etc). How to make straw wrappers stick to the ceiling every time. How to make the 3:02 bell ring at 12:02. How to hide in your locker all day. Studyhall games you're required to play. How to encrypt your notes in an unbreakable code. How to read and write backwards, upside down, and in dark, foggy mirrors. How to talk backwards. What it means to be very "cool" and how to do it. How to be WAY too popular. How to be tolerated. How to be ignored. How to be completely invisible. How to join an exclusive "clique" without getting caught. How to get invited to the best parties. How to make your phone ring. How to be your own clique of up to 650 people. How to act around your imaginary friend in public. How to make it into any squad or team (Football team, Hockey team, Cheerleaders, Minutemaids, etc) by saying these 3 words. How to throw your voice. How to be voted King/Queen Best/Worst Most/Least of something. How to get the car when you really need it. How to use "a Coke and an aspirin" correctly. How to buy booze underage. Where to "park". How to unfasten your seat belt. How to get your own phone line for free. How to buy and maintain a used car without your parents' knowledge. An explanation of Everything. How to feel reasonably normal. How to feel like you belong to something. How to feel more confident about your future. How to worry constantly about your future. How to worry about everything all the time - looks, right clothes, grades, teachers, acceptance, popularity, not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. How hormones work. How to run away from home and make them notice that you're gone. How to skip class and make the teacher think you were there and answering questions. How to sleep thru class while taking copious notes. How to force your dog to eat your homework. How to write excuses in your parents' or teachers' handwriting. How to record conversations in the teachers' lounge and lunchroom. How to raise your grade to an "A", "B", "C", or "D". How to set your 1961 cellphone to "stun". How to be taller, smarter, better looking, funnier, engaging, etc. How to chuck it all and move to Australia now....